The Other Side of Heartbreak at Litha
As I acknowledge the passing of the first half of 2024, I am struck by how much my life has changed since Yule, when I began a new chapter of my spiritual journey. On New Year’s Eve, I set a powerful intention to release negativity from my life. While profound personal growth marked 2023, it was not of the preferred variety. Rather, it emerged from tremendous pain as a result of heartbreak. Growing pains are just that. Painful. The ending of my last relationship left me feeling de-rooted and splintered like a tree ripped from the earth in a cat 5 hurricane. So, that frigid night in December, I set a plan in motion. To survive, I had to replant myself quickly, connecting deep into the earth to stabilize myself, reroot, and absorb the nutrients of the soil. Then, I would need to begin the deeper work, the shadow work that we must do to turn gut wrenching pain into energy that propels us forward.
As I began to re-establish my root system, minutes passed dreadfully slow. I had to resist every urge to reconnect with my former. Instead of ruminating on him, I embraced the mantra: "no new contact with him means no new pain for me." I returned over and over to a simple three-breath practice. Notice my breath. Relax. “What’s important right now?”. I reinvigorated my meditation practice and within a few weeks, the hours that passed without a thought of him increased. Slowly. But they passed nonetheless.
Every now and again I would hear a message – sometimes from a friend, other times from a complete stranger – a nugget of wisdom that helped me move further down the path from where I had been. Eventually, my gazes into the rear view grew less frequent, the image behind me started to fade, and I stopped asking why. I stopped seeking to understand. I began to glimpse acceptance and in those moments, the landscape surrounding me grew more vibrant and alive. I began to feel a sense of hope for the future.
Like a breath of fresh air, joy and abundance began to enter areas of my life that had long been stifled. The space my former left behind became fertile ground for growth and nurturing. I invested time and energy into myself, exploring interests and activities that had been neglected. With each passing day, I filled my life with positive experiences and meaningful connections. I reconnected with friends and pursued hobbies that brought me joy. I discovered new passions and rekindled old ones, embracing the abundance that life had to offer. I traveled to Africa and Denmark. Attended concerts and music festivals. My rituals and spiritual practices took on new meaning, guiding me through the healing process. I leaned into my intuition and trusted the guidance of the universe, knowing that I was on the right path.
Things have become easier these days, but not every day is one of forward progress. Occasionally a fitful night of dreams haunted by my ex stays with me long after I wake. Like the occasional drunk dream, the pain is a swift reminder of what awaits should I climb back into the cage to wrestle with the gorilla of addiction.
I woke up filled with joy this morning. Litha. Midsummer. The longest day of the year and shortest night. The sun has reached its zenith and is the most magickally powerful today of all days. My excitement now is the anticipation of shorter days, longer nights, and of course Mabon and most importantly, Samhain.